My little online diary.

I am starting to get nervous. In just under 2 weeks time I am seeing my father and his partner- they moved to Brisbane.

We had a huge falling out to say the least.

They don't know this but I tried to kill myself just before they moved because my dad and I were so close I didn't want to lose him. I honestly prepared to die.... I woke up over 12 hours later.

Anyway, I went up to visit him with my daughter for a week when they settled in. They were so horrible and I could here them whispering stuff to eachother.

At one point I did my washing and went to hang it out I injured my ankle and my knee cap... my dad cracked it because I rang up crying because I couldn't bare weight and was in a lot of pain. Turned out that I was in a moon boot for say 3 weeks?

Dad's partner...who I also called dad. Says I am a drug addicted and I am not allowed in there home until I am off drugs..... wtf? What drugs? My oxy for pain? Or my Xanax for anxiety? I am working on it I've been on them for years.

I saw what dad's partner said and I just saw red. I unleashed hell. I took it way to far. But it's how I felt.  There was however no need for name calling from myself, that was just childish and I'll accept responsibility for that part.

If it doesn't work out.... I don't think he will see me and my children again. But I'll do almost anything for him to love me again (usually I am not forgiving and I won't take all the blame. But I'm willing too if I get my dad back)

Anyway. Since my last post. I've been having my really bad stomach aches, gas and brown water that stinks... sorry TMI
But if you knew me I am worried I have a stomach issue or a bowel issue (my Nanna died at 52 of bowel cancer) my aunty and uncles have polyps  (which can turn cancerous) and my mum and dad have had them too. I tell my doctor and she said "it might just be you " so I have to live in pain and worry and be home bound because I crap everywhere.

On a positive note my beautiful eldest daughter is going for her second ballet exam and a Jazz competition . I am so proud of her, well I am proud of all my children.

I feel so thankful and lucky to have my whole family and the family hubby and I have created 2 girls and 1 boy.

I am just going to use this as a diary. If people get into it awesome! But if they dont. Oh well!

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